This Sunday, on Father’s Day, many families will gather to celebrate Dad. If Dad has Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia, the celebration may be different and full of complicated emotions.
While Dad may be physically present, he may not recognize his children and other family members or remember names. Roles may be reversed – once the child, and now the caregiver you are doing everything for dad that he once did for you.
You may feel sad that because of this awful disease your father is not the same person he once was, but also joy when there are moments of connection about the past. You may feel angry at Dad because he can no longer do the things that everyone depended on him for and because you are now in a caregiving role that you never expected or wanted to be in and feel unprepared to handle. You also may feel frustration and embarrassment with Dad’s progressive loss of ability to do even seemingly simple tasks. And then there is guilt, maybe because you find yourself grieving for the Dad who once was even though he is still physically present.
It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to have these complicated and contradicting emotions all at the same time. Caregiving for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease is complicated and difficult and puts tremendous stress on relationships. We are not perfect, we’re human and sometimes need to accept that we are doing our best.
As a caregiver it’s also important to recognize that without a support system, formal or informal, these complex emotions can lead to unhealthy levels of stress and burnout. Awareness of the signs and symptoms is the first step in coping with caregiver stress.
- Exhaustion
- Social withdrawal
- Health problems
- Anger
- Anxiety, depression
Alzheimer’s disease is complicated. Family gatherings will be different. Holidays like Father’s Day can add to the complicated emotions. At the same time, the day can still be meaningful and enjoyable.
Try to focus on Dad’s current abilities and where he is now and what he will enjoy – a walk, a favorite game, listening to music from time gone by or sharing a conversation about something that happened years ago. The facts may be confusing and incorrect but take time to nurture and treasure the moments of simple connection.
Most of all, give yourself the gift of asking for help and support. Should you need a listening ear, assistance, or resources, Alzheimer’s New Jersey® is here for you. Learn about our support groups and other programs that can help you have the best days possible with Dad. It can be as simple as calling our Helpline at 888-280-6055.
