Valentine’s Day is traditionally a celebration of love – an undefinable emotion of deep caring and commitment to another person, the willingness to put another above self, a union of souls, a friendship for life, and an unbreakable bond.
Love is the pledge that partners make to each other. The promise that parents make to their children and the connection that children have with their parents.
Love is wonderful and breathtaking. Love is beautiful but can also be jealous, angry, disappointing and lonely.
Love is a journey over time – easy when the road is smooth and straight – difficult when the road is curved and bumpy.
Love is complicated – especially when your Valentine has Alzheimer’s disease.
As a caregiver, you might be struggling with questions like:
- How to celebrate love when the memories you’ve built together are no longer shared?
- How to celebrate love when your Valentine is physically present and emotionally absent?
- How to celebrate love when you may feel constant stress as well as resentment and anger?
Cards and flowers – replaced by broken memories with names and faces confused and forgotten.
No easy answers here – you celebrate love because love matters.
Celebrate yourself. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel – even if the emotions are sometimes unpleasant and confusing. You’re doing the best you can under very difficult circumstances. Take time for yourself because loving yourself matters.
Details no longer matter. Love is an emotion not forgotten. Your Valentine knows that you are the important person that provides comfort and care because love matters.
Love is in the present moment – a conversation about something long in the past as if it happened today. A touch, a smile, a laugh about something silly. The desire to sit by you or follow you around the house as a way for your Valentine to communicate as best as possible that you matter because love matters.
Again, there are no easy answers here.
Your Valentine’s Day may be very different because your life has become so different in so many unexpected ways. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and to forgive yourself when you do. Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease is hard, but you do it in so many ways because love matters.
Try to take time this Valentine’s Day to celebrate the small connections whenever you can. Isn’t that the true meaning of love?
And please remember, when you need us, Alzheimer’s New Jersey is here for you because – love matters.
Kenneth C. Zaentz
Alzheimer’s New Jersey
President and CEO
