Janice Pelaia (caregiver)

My mom diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 5 years ago. In May she was put on hospice and I knew the end was near and could not stop crying. My mom is currently at stage 6 and VNA Hospice has been amazing!!!! A few weeks ago my mom flushed her socks down the toilet and we got a knock on the door from the unit below us, it flooded. Luckily the gentleman’s sister has Alzheimer’s and he completely understands. Prior to that my mom would turn the stovetop on and it would be lit all night. I was extremely worried about my parents. My dad is a hero and loves my mom so much that he would never leave her side. They made me power of attorney years ago when moms Alzheimer’s was declining and there is a paragraph that states in their living wills that my mom is not to be placed in a nursing home unless the doctor says there is no other choice. I always tell my dad he needs to stay healthy because I can’t take care of my mom the way he does. 2 weeks ago while pre planning for my moms funeral I begged and pleated for him to take respite care but he refused. He said only if an aid can do an overnight he would get a hotel or visit a friend to get some rest. We made a pact and shortly after I called his brothers, sisters, and my cousins to see if we can plan something. My cousin picked my dad up for lunch to mention it and how worried I was but he expressed his love for my mom and my cousin honestly believes it’s like the notebook. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the whole movie because it reminded me too much of my parents. For weeks I have had many sleepless nights, begging and pleading with God to send help. Monday the aid didn’t show up & my mom fell 10 times. She hit her head hard and has a lot of bleeding and black & blues. When I called my dad after work he was yelling at my mom to “stop, stop that, it hurts” I panicked and told him I was on my way over so he can rest. I just worked a 10 hour shift on my feet all day so my dad called me shortly after to tell me he gave my mom her meds and she was asleep so he would do the same. I walked in the door Tuesday to a messy house and I just lost it. I started throwing away my stepchildrens belongings while crying and asking God why? I screamed “help me God” over & over ago. My 21 year old stepdaughter who is AMAZING, SMART, & comforting had just walked in so I tried my hardest to pull myself together. Her mother also had Alzheimer’s and she volunteered & sang at the Bradley Beach #endalz walk. I always feel I need to be strong for her and not let her see how stressed I am about my mom because I don’t want her to worry. Well long story short she gave me such wonderful advise! I am blessed to have her. I felt better after talking but wasn’t able to sleep. I had a wake to go to straight from work on Wednesday in Monroe and my dad told me the social worker was working on getting my mom a bed for respite. I followed up with Colleen the social worker and she said they were waiting on a bed. I walked into work after my lunch break and just started crying. I couldn’t hold in any longer. My friend took me to HR and I was able to calm down there. Shortly after I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time at work while passing she said “how’s mom” I broke down crying again so she prayed with my. Katrina just got a promotion to management and she also contacted my manager to let me know the situation. A half hour away my dad calls me and guess what?

They got a bed somewhere for mom, but wait there’s more! It’s in Monroe (the same town as where I needed to go for the viewing. I was able to pay my respects then run over to fill out all the paperwork and meet with the nurses to go over my moms situation. The next day after the funeral I head over to the nursing home and my mom was crying and cursing. I got her to calm down by brushing her hair with my fingers. I decided to show her a picture of the house she raised me in. My mom cried again and said I’m sorry, something is wrong with my head, I love you, I’m sorry. I explained she didn’t need to be and how great of a mother & wife she was, I told her how much my dad loved her, she asked about her friends, those 20 minutes with my mom were the best 20 minutes in years. I will continue to wipe away her tears, bring her her favorite desserts & pictures till she transitions into a nursing home full time.

– Janice Pelaia